| it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has |
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Posted on September 19, 2008 @ 7:59 pm
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the boy i like is an idiot.
Siena is a fine time, although i miss Albany a lot. i go there at least once a week, usually two.
school is going very well also, which is a plus. i guess it really was worth transferring.
i got my nose pierced Monday. yeah i need to stop with the piercings now.
i have a new job. Gamestop in Latham right by school. i have a store meeting sunday night.
thats really it!
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| you were blind to me, now im blind to you |
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Posted on August 31, 2008 @ 7:02 pm
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its taken me 7 weeks to finally be able to write about whats been going on. these past 7 weeks have honestly been the hardest weeks of my life i think, and before this i thought i had gone through really hard times. sigh. heres goes.
at the end of last semster i was dating Scott. we were really happy together, and through and through i thought i was the happeist i had been in a really long time. on July 3rd at approximately 1230am, Scott was killed in a drunk driving accident. him and his roommate Devin were driving along the road, both drunk, and Devin hit into a guardrail and then hit a tree, on the passengers side. Devin was ejected from the vehicle, while Scott was seatbelted into the car. his mom called me the next morning at 930am to tell me. i felt like my entire world had fallen apart. i really didnt know what to do with myself. the following sunday was his funeral. i made Melinda bring me, but i ended up meeting up Luke and Terdra. Luke and Scott were best frends at home. i dont think ive ever cried as hard as i did during the mass. Luke and Tedra drove me to the cemetary where they did the burial. again, a lot of crying. Scotts best friend Brett (from school) and Luke ended up burying Scott the rest of the way after everyone had left and gone back to Scotts house for food, etc. "its what he would have wanted" everyone was sayin, and its true. its exactly what he would have wanted. after the funeral, it started to get a little easier. i wasnt randomly crying over it anymore and i was starting to feel better about the whole thing. every once in a while i would have drunken nights and think about him and cry but that was it. nothing that anyone was honestly worried about. im not sure why but recently everything has become so much harder. i cry more than i did and i wish that i wouldnt.
Since Scotts death, an obvious part of me has been missing. i guess you could say ive moved on, ive been with other guys and i can sorta say that ive had crushes on other people. two of them i had crushes on before i was with Scott, and one was after. i just have a hard time being myself i guess because everytime something awesome happen i want to pull out my phone and talk to Scott about it. and i know that hes not there to talk to anymore. his number is still in my phone, ive even gotten a new phone since then and i left his number in my phone.
everyones been really supportive of me and what im going through, but thursday night i finally realized that its getting ridiculous. its been almost 2 months and i know this is not something im going to get over quickly and its probably alright that im still upset and mourning but at the same time i have to start accepting it and moving on with it. i didnt really even want to admit that i needed help, but im starting to think i do. and im also realizing that theres nothing wrong with needed help. i guess well see what happens.
and i promise ill start writing here more often, i think that will help me too.
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Posted on July 10, 2008 @ 10:40 am
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i think that i can finally write about whats happened in here.
after work i will, its been a lot of heartbreaking moments though.
</3
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Posted on July 03, 2008 @ 10:03 am
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dear God,
what the fuck did i ever do to deserve such a shitty life?
love Amanda.
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Posted on June 22, 2008 @ 11:27 am
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in Albany till tomorrow night. full update after that.
although not much has been changing.
=\
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Posted on May 31, 2008 @ 11:50 am
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its been a long month since my last update.
life has been pretty good though so i cant complain :)
yeah, life is good!
me and James are over. completely over. like i deleted him off my buddy list over. it hurt too much to see him on there.
ive been seeing this guy Scott since right after my birthday. hes great, i met him at school and he only lives in Kings Park which is 25-30 minutes away from me at home.
still no new job, but i met this guy Dale who is trying to help me get a job at applebees. i hope it works out :)
better update later!
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Posted on April 29, 2008 @ 1:37 pm
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Siena is offically my school of choice for next year.
sorry Hofstra, but Siena fits more of my needs.
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Posted on April 25, 2008 @ 11:30 pm
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i really hope im making the right decisions about everything. for some funny reason, i feel like im not.
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Posted on April 14, 2008 @ 7:30 pm
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Siena was beautiful even though i was only there for like 10 minutes. my interview there is tomorrow, im so excited! i really hope i get in and go there :)
edit: my fridge is now full of jello shots :) my 21st birthday celebration kicks off tomorrow and lasts all the way until saturday. yesss!
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Posted on April 11, 2008 @ 11:14 am
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as usual i probably screwed this up beyond belief. what else is new?
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Posted on April 04, 2008 @ 11:41 pm
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why the hell are boys so confusing?
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Posted on March 20, 2008 @ 10:18 pm
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i feel like the same thing that happened with me and Chris when i came back to albany is going to happen again with me being on long island.
Virginia Beach until Sunday!
update when i come home <3
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Posted on March 04, 2008 @ 2:15 pm
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im going to update this later. so much has been going on :)
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Posted on February 27, 2008 @ 2:25 pm
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Posted on February 18, 2008 @ 1:00 pm
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boys are fucking ridiculous.
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Posted on February 13, 2008 @ 10:43 pm
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i fucking hate valentines day.
tomorrow is going to be so hard, i was finally supposed to have someone.
im already crying. i just want to stay in bed all day tomorrow.
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| "do you like making out and long drives and brown eyes" |
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Posted on February 12, 2008 @ 4:21 pm
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so guys im really doing this. im really coming home after this semester at Albany. i have an appointment with academic advisement at Hofstra next tuesday, which im excited for. a little nervous, but we're just going to be talking about what would come of my degree, my credits, when i would graduate, and go over my transcript. im hoping it all works out though. other than that life has been really good up here. last week was fun. bought across the universe <3 the weekend was good, Rob came up to visit. got completely wasted friday night, hung around saturday night. schools actually going really well again, b/c thats exacty what i need. i need a kick ass semester so i can raise my GPA. friday im going back to long island which will be lovely. today i bought and watched gone baby gone. best movie ever. seriously, go out and see it asap. haha. everything else has been on the quiet side. valentines day is coming up, but im not really upset that i dont have anyone this year. i need to take a break from the whole boy situation b/c its seemed to bite me in the ass the last couple times. but i finally realized that i just need to focus on getting through this semester, getting into a new school, and being happy with myself. i mean thats the most important thing right? i think so. yup sounds like a spetacular idea to me!
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| "see i dont care, but i know she aint gonna want to share" |
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Posted on January 24, 2008 @ 10:01 pm
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wow entries 2 days in a row! so ive been back up in albany for 3 days and needless to say theyve been amazing. not gonna lie- i miss long island a lot, but at the same time it feels great to back. tuesday when i got back i unpacked and hung out with everyone in the suite. then me, Caledonia, Nicole, Megan, Dave, and Zach went out to dinner at Friendlys. it was a nice a little reunion that was well needed for us. wednesday was the first day of classes. i had communications and criminal justice. both werent bad at all. communications is a 100 level class that mostly freshman take, but since im switching my major to that i have to take it now. criminal justice isnt bad either. i had to same professor for criminology and i absolutely adored him so of course i wanted to take another one of his classes. in between those classes i went out to lunch with Steph. good to see her again! after my classes i went over to dutch to hang out with Eric, Charles, Jeremy, Sam, Jason, and Evan for a bit. we played smash brothers which is our favorite game, and then we just watched some weird, yet interesting tv lol. i came back real early b/c i was tired and i had an 845 class this morning, which i am definately not used to having. so today i had my 845, which was finacing. the class seems good, but the professor speaks hardly any english so that really bothers me. i have no problem with foreigners being able to teach at universities and all that, but when i cant understand the woman, i think thats a big problem. if i cant understand my professor im going to have a tough time with the class. i gotta make sure i keep up with the reading and everything i suppose. then i had lunch with Kayla, which was fun as usual! definately have to keep that up with her and see her more often that i did last semester. then i had my 2nd communications class, which was public speaking. im not really good at speaking in general, let alone public speaking so i think the class is going to be a little stressful on me. not hard, just stressful. then i had dinner with Caledonia and Nicole, and then i did some work. i got to talk to Chris for a little bit too which was always a good thing :) tomorrow i only have one discussion class, which should be a piece of cake. then i have a gyno appointment down at the health center, which im nervous for, im not going to lie. but i really really need to do it. Jon might be coming to visit too tomorrow night which would be awesome considering the only day i saw him was the first day i got home from break. i really wish i had seen him more than i did, but obviously that didnt happen. oh well. 3 weeks from tomorrow i get to go back to long island too. im going home b/c we have a 4 day weekend. hopefully these 3 weeks go by fast. its not like i want them to go by fast b/c i dont want to be in albany, i just kind of want to be home right now. its hard to explain in an entry like this, but im sure most people get where im going with this. haha. oh well. wow im exhausted. waking up at 8am is just not something im really used to anymore. not that i ever was, but i guess if i really needed to i could. oh well. on a different note... i need to do really well this semester. like i need basically a 4.0 i would love that. im going to try really hard in all my classes. im already ahead or on top of all the reading i have. so im pretty excited. although its only the 2nd day of class haha. i really need to keep it up. towards the end of february im going to be stressed out b/c i have like 3 tests in a row but other than that i should be fine. i have an assignment to do every week starting next week for criminology which im not looking forward to but ill have to do it. they dont seem too terrible. communications im also going to have a few assignments too. and in my speech class i have to write and give speeches, but id honestly rather do that then take tests. im not a bad public speaker, i just get really nervous. i remember freshman year in proj ren i hated giving presentations, although Bein always gave me a good report afterwards which is definately an esteem builder :) i need to clean my room too haha. i feel like when i left in december i just wanted to get the fuck out so i left the place a mess. oh well it happens right? alright im going to go watch a movie or something in bed ;) anyone care to join?? i know who i wish would... lol much love<3
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| "no moment will be more true than the moment i look at you" |
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Posted on December 12, 2007 @ 11:16 am
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finals time. i think this is the most stressful time in a college student's life. every single teacher is out there telling you that theyre test is the most important one and that its their test that you should be spending all your time studying for, when in reality, its not. its just what every other professor is telling us also. my first final is tomorrow and i dont know anything. ive finished making the notecards though so thats a plus to say the least. today i plan on studying all day for it, memorizing as much as i can about each piece of art work. after im done with this im going to have some lunch, which will probably be the only thing i eat till like 10pm tonight because im sick and thats how i roll when im sick. and then im going to sit down, buckle down and study. eh maybe ill clean off my desk and make my bed first so that i have a good study enviroment. but no more slacking off. i need to start to study. 6 days till i go home. 6 motherfucking days. i cannot wait!! ti have to start working again. i should probably email them and tell them when im coming home and stuff. actually ill do that now. okay so hopefully she didnt do schedules for next week and ill have some hours! wo0t. man i dont wanna study, i hate studying. i think this is how every student feels around this time. i cant believe its wednesday already. thats a good thing though. so today im going to study for art history. tomorrow i have to study for latin america. saturday or sunday i have to set up my notes for political science. monday morning im gonna cram for my psych final, and then study for my political science final all day tuesday and then go home afterwards! i cant wait, im so excited to see so many people. its great haha. things up in albany have been good too, so im definately going to be sad to see these days end for a month. saturday i hung out with Lauren and we made some blankets! me and Caledonia went shopping on sunday and i bought a cute sweater to wear to my family party on saturday. friday we had our christmas party. after that i went and watche d half-baked with the boys. and yeah thats about it. i cant wait to not be stresed out anymoreeee :)
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| "you keep me warm all day, just stay with me" |
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Posted on December 04, 2007 @ 9:07 pm
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if anyones talks to me at this time in exactly 14 days from now i will probably be the one of the happiest people on the planet because that would mean im finally home. ive never been so excited to go home and after a semester of school that this one. all i have to say is that this cannot be good. if im already loving being home and i havent been home yet, imagine how im going to be when i go to leave long island on january 22nd? im probably going to be a wreck. but im starting to think that a month away from albany is just what im going to need to get back to nornal. i need time to myself and when im here i really dont get much of that. i always have stuff on my mind here, and not just this the social scene here, its also with school and papers and tests and stuff like that. for example i have an art history paper due tomorrow at 140 and i havent even started it yet. well thats sort of a lie. i started it, i got about 1 1/2 pages done and it only has to be 3 pages, but those are probably the worst 1 1/2 pages ive ever written in my life so im going to re-write it. i think im gonna outline it tonight and then wake up mad early tomorrow morning and write it then. i do my best work in the morning i think. because then i dont have to worry about being tired and if im the only one whos awake then i have alone time i need to get things done. i just hope that doing this works out for me. knowing my luck it will probably back fire. im basically fucked in that class either way. whatever. i need at least a 22 on it, and then i need at least a 22 on my final to even get a B- in the class. obviously if i can get like a 24 or 25 on this paper that would help me a lot. i wish i had gone to class and not cut everyday. oh well i guess im gonna pay for it here. i think if i get a C+ in the class it will be my lowest grade of the semster. i have a B- in marketing, a B in latin america, a B+/A- in psychology, C+ in art history, and hopefully i can raise my grade to a B- in politcs. that also might be where im fucking up. god i just want a 3.0 this semster. and im probably not going to get it bc i fucked up so much. jesus christ you would have think i learned last semester that i need to do well in school and i tried so hard i really did. okay i guess i could have studied a lot more for that first art history test, and then i wouldnt be in this boat right now. goddamn i fucked myself over...again and as usual. i really hate school, i wish i could drop out and just marry rich. haha im sure tha twould never happen to me though, my luck doesnt run that way. whatever. ill just outline that paper tonight and do the best i can tomorrow morning. i really need to do well on it. if somehow i could pull off an A in psychology i would love that but i doubt i could. i did get an A- on the last test which is always a good thing. i have to look at the syallabus and see how he breaks everything down. another thing i gotta worry about. i also gotta fill out that damn application for the SOB which im not even gonna get into anyway because my GPA is not gonna be good enough for it. maybe by some miracle they will let me in. whatever i dont even wanna talk about it to tell you the truth :(. oh i started a diet also, but i just decided that it is going out the window. im too stresesd out to worry about what im eating and all that bullshit. ill worry about that once i go home because ultimately i will have no stress to worry about or anything like that. all im going to have to worry about is enjoying my life at home and mcdonalds, which doesnt even stress me out because i frankly dont give a fuck about that place. i should probably head back to my room soon, im sitting in the library right now. man im hungry. i havent eaten since like 3 this afternoon and its already after 9. i really need to figure out how to manage my time better lol. i just decided that. i guess i really still do have a lot to learn in my young age haha. oh well. this is all a good experience. alright this entry is basically about nothing so im gonna leave it at that.
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